Before Week 3
7/26
It takes an EXTREMELY strong female to deal with 48 cadet males and even more male instructors for 60+ hours a week…..alone.
By the time it got to Friday, I was ready to chew just about every one of their heads off. I was so very thankful that I had the weekend to cool off.
I feel as if my word does not matter or does not need to be listened to because I am a female. This whole experience is such an interesting growing period for me not just physically, but SO much mentally. Its about staying strong no matter what the guys may say. Its about still finding value in myself when all the others around me may not. Its about keeping my goal set and not allowing those around me to adjust that path. As much as I do not even make a dent in their ego, I need to do the same and just let their words and actions ricochet off of me.
The message I get from many of the guys makes me ask myself questions such as “How do I express myself?” and realize that they don’t listen neither do they care to listen because “The way I feel doesn’t matter.” I am a true dedicated philosopher on life compared to many of my fellow cadets. I see them as a slate. I see myself as a 3D image with continual new additions and many parts that have yet to be discovered. At the same time this is school, not a class in which all of us pour our hearts out about life. So I understand that, but then again at the same time, how much better could we be if we REALLY worked together as a team and listened to how each other felt about respect and using that respect with each other? The last thing I want to be giving to the guy that picks his nose all day, sends me the message that my word has no say, and uses up many of my supplies…..is respect.
I have learned from the last 2 weeks that I have been taking the motherly position to some of the guys; always having the supply they need such as band-aids, highlighters, whiteout, ibuprofen, knee-braces, etc. Now don’t get me wrong, this is a team effort kinda of business. In everything, we are SUPPOSE to do as a team! But I feel there is a fine line between being a team player and being a reliant player. This week I plan to really take myself out of that motherly position and to get some of these boys back on their own two feet. I don’t want to be the one many are dependent on. It takes enough just to keep myself on my own two feet.
This week will be tough. I am feeling irritated and distracted by these feelings. Even now as I write this just an hour before I leave, I feel mentally weak.
“I can do it. The Lord is my strength. Its all mental. Stay mentally strong. Never give up. Never quit!”
